Who is the most important person in the company? Sorry I have no idea? Answer : ‘The Toilet cleaner, as no one will go to work if there are dirty toilets !
What is the clinical definition of death? Answer ‘When you stop learning’
Young, newly appointed IBM Company’s Manager was carpeted by his leadership. He made a deal, in which his leadership lost 10 million dollars. When he realized his mistake, it was too late, the money had floated away.
He came into the office and, feeling his guilty and not waiting until the leadership will tell him something, and said:
I understand that you can retire me, and, admitting my guilt, accept your decision. —
To retire you? — The leader asked. — We have just spent 10 million on your training and may not throw such valuable human resources. Go to work!
In the late 70s, I owned a public house in Brighton, it was small and compact, however was close to the centre and the train station.
There were some rough people who came in and created unrest and fights and to stop that I used house bricks as ash trays ( so they could not be broken and used in fights ( whereas glass could be broken easily )
I also advertised the public house as the worst in the world and that I was most horrible landlord, which had the positive impact of attracting more and more people,
I also had my own pound notes printed with my face on it and Senior Citizens could buy a pound note for 75 pence which gave them a 25% discount on all purchases in the pub.
When I was a kid, I was always excited to learn new vocabulary. When I was in first year, my teacher taught me that “shin” was another word for leg. Later that day, I was walking with my mom, when I tripped and hit my leg on the ground really hard. I yelled out “OW, MY SHIN” although my mom heard “OW, MY SHIT.”
She started yelling about how that was a bad word and we didn’t say that word, and she was going to wash my mouth out with soap. I was a crying, bawling mess of a kid, to the point I was doing that weird cry, stutter, hiccup noise. She paused in berating me and said “Who taught you that word?!” Of course, I told the truth and said “M-m-my teacher t-t-t-taught me that word!” and she started ranting about how she was going to call the school and get that teacher yelled at. I tried to explain, “T-te-teacher said that shin meant leg I’m SO SORRY ILL N-N-NE-ne-never say it again.” My mom got quiet and realized her mistake. “…What did you say?”Of course I started crying harder and I said “NO it’s just a test you’re going to wash my mouth out with soap again.”
When I finally calmed down enough to say it again, my mom apologized and to this day I always say “shin” loudly just to see her face blush.
I was travelling to Townsville, Australia and I had booked to fly to The Gold Coast Airport in time to meet my clients for a meeting to discuss recycling of human waste from Townsville . I was sat outside when I got a text from my client
‘We are here, where are you”
Me “Right outside arrivals”
“You can’t be, we are right outside arrivals”
Me “Definately arrivals” “Can’t be! There are no cars here!”
The penny dropped a few baffling minutes later. Wrong airport… My clients were at Brisbane airport, not The Gold Coast! An hour and a half later and we were reunited, me feeling a tad sheepish..!
Another travel mess up but at least we all had a good laugh about it! And I won the order
I used to pride myself on being quite good at bartering (but also fair.) I’ve even had friends traveling with me ask me to do the bartering for them in an art shop – turns out bartering is sniffed at there, But I had no intention of bartering when I stopped at my last African market in Ghana on the way to the airport. I was just killing time as I had no money left, only credit cards and they were full, I saw 2 beautiful oil paintings which drew my attention instantly. I loved the colors and the abstract images of women carrying babies and carrying water. The seller noticed me admiring the paintings, “How much Sir ?” I apologized and explained I didn’t have any money left, I was just browsing but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. “Well, what else can you give me?” At first, I was shocked “ What are you implying?! I am NOT that sort of man!” But then I saw his attention drawn to my smelly trekking sandals. “What about those?” he said, pointing at my feet! Now I had fully intended on sticking these in the bin at the airport, I even had flip-flops in my bag ready for a quick change. Surely no one would actually want these horrendous ugly trekking sandals which I had waded through rivers and mud slicks in?! But he seemed genuinely excited by this trade ( 1 pair of gross shoes and half a packet of biscuits) and as I left with my paintings, I saw him parading them up and down to his market friends! I guess one person’s rubbish is another’s treasure after all So we must all take note eh?